We met up in Grants Pass for lunch or something in maybe 2009 in the midst of my divorce. You'd seen our family in mid visitation handoff and commented that none of us seemed happy. At the time I was doing things for the first of a few times that you've written here as the last of your many times. You were a small bandage against a very raw wound and I continue to be grateful for that. I'm glad you have such a small capacity for self pity as well as the courage to walk into the face of your pain until you passed all the way through it. It took me longer, but I found my way. If you remember that time with me it may be a comfort to you to know that the wounds, at least the ones I carried, healed cleanly.
Definitely saving this for re-use; "you don’t leave when it gets bad, you leave when you’re ready to leave". Thank you for this one -and all of the others.
Thank you for this. It's been 4 years for me. I've heard a million of these from women and it just hits somewhere different (and I really needed to hear it) from a man. I love the last line - you don't leave when it gets bad, you leave when you're ready to leave.
I'm not divorced but the "you leave when you're ready" resonates in what I find to be a similar situation. A company I adored, was proud to work for, full of people I loved working with and learn with/from, that supported and built up my career and my life, faded into a shell of itself after being purchased. Most of the talent left within the first year, but I hung on for nearly 2. But when it was time, it was time. I'm glad I stayed longer than my friends and mentors/mentees, each of us has a different purpose. Many of us still mourn the loss of what was an amazing, enjoyable, profitable thing.
That sounds like me after Adobe bought Macromedia, where I'd been really happy for about six years. I should have taken severance -- I had a feeling I wouldn't enjoy life at Adobe -- but my spouse wasn't comfortable with that (me not having a job), so I interviewed for several roles in the new org and ended up taking one that seemed reasonably similar to what I was doing before (still in IT, instead of moving into product). I watched a lot of my former colleagues leaving and I gradually became more and more frustrated with Adobe's approach to... almost everything. In the end, I stuck it out for a full year, well past being miserable, and then had to quit with no severance to fall back on. Ah, hindsight... if only I'd left sooner!
My response to divorce is always "Congratulations!".
Mine was prolonged over two very bad years, with the end result being another decade or so of semi-financial ruin. However, it was still the best decision, for me and everyone involved.
And my life is vastly better now, in every way, and continues to get better every year.
Given that I also got clean and sober at the same time, there's definitely some correlation as well as causation going on, but the point still stands.
Thanks for sharing. I can’t put into words why, but I appreciate you sharing this type of content as much as the more technically oriented content.
Glad you find it helpful. Turns out we're people too. Dammit.
Yep. We're (ALL) people, too.
That's a lesson we would all do well to remember.
And act on
We met up in Grants Pass for lunch or something in maybe 2009 in the midst of my divorce. You'd seen our family in mid visitation handoff and commented that none of us seemed happy. At the time I was doing things for the first of a few times that you've written here as the last of your many times. You were a small bandage against a very raw wound and I continue to be grateful for that. I'm glad you have such a small capacity for self pity as well as the courage to walk into the face of your pain until you passed all the way through it. It took me longer, but I found my way. If you remember that time with me it may be a comfort to you to know that the wounds, at least the ones I carried, healed cleanly.
I'm glad you've come through it.
Definitely saving this for re-use; "you don’t leave when it gets bad, you leave when you’re ready to leave". Thank you for this one -and all of the others.
Thank you for this. It's been 4 years for me. I've heard a million of these from women and it just hits somewhere different (and I really needed to hear it) from a man. I love the last line - you don't leave when it gets bad, you leave when you're ready to leave.
Thanks for reposting.
Takes me back to my experience and a poem by one of my fav writers, Billy Collins:
Divorce
Once, two spoons in bed,
now tined forks
across a granite table
and the knives they have hired.
I'm not divorced but the "you leave when you're ready" resonates in what I find to be a similar situation. A company I adored, was proud to work for, full of people I loved working with and learn with/from, that supported and built up my career and my life, faded into a shell of itself after being purchased. Most of the talent left within the first year, but I hung on for nearly 2. But when it was time, it was time. I'm glad I stayed longer than my friends and mentors/mentees, each of us has a different purpose. Many of us still mourn the loss of what was an amazing, enjoyable, profitable thing.
That sounds like me after Adobe bought Macromedia, where I'd been really happy for about six years. I should have taken severance -- I had a feeling I wouldn't enjoy life at Adobe -- but my spouse wasn't comfortable with that (me not having a job), so I interviewed for several roles in the new org and ended up taking one that seemed reasonably similar to what I was doing before (still in IT, instead of moving into product). I watched a lot of my former colleagues leaving and I gradually became more and more frustrated with Adobe's approach to... almost everything. In the end, I stuck it out for a full year, well past being miserable, and then had to quit with no severance to fall back on. Ah, hindsight... if only I'd left sooner!
`"And to those asking why I didn’t leave sooner if it was really that bad, you don’t leave when it gets bad, you leave when you’re ready to leave."
Thanks for this! Someday I will be enough of wordsmith to show how much these words resonated.
Take care my friend.
Thank you for sharing, Kent.
Thanks for sharing.
My response to divorce is always "Congratulations!".
Mine was prolonged over two very bad years, with the end result being another decade or so of semi-financial ruin. However, it was still the best decision, for me and everyone involved.
And my life is vastly better now, in every way, and continues to get better every year.
Given that I also got clean and sober at the same time, there's definitely some correlation as well as causation going on, but the point still stands.
Thank you for sharing, I wish you the best!
Wait .. like wild River brewing and pizza in grants pass?
That's the one. Many happy calories consumed there.
Wow, I lived there 2005-2009 working for an electric vehicle company making embedded software. Loved it!
Thanks for sharing. 🤗
It was unexpected, yet valuable. Thanks for sharing.
This kind of post will help distinguish AI writing from human writing.