Originally published 2016 It’s been a while since I have had a full-blown, this is really truly nutso, case of Imposter Syndrome. I’m having one now, so I want to pull it apart and see what makes it tick. When I arrived at Facebook in January 2011, I felt completely over my head. I learned enough technical details to get along, but everybody seemed much better than me. It got to where I would have an idea and say to myself, “Someone must have already had that idea. If I mention it people will think I’m stupid. There’s probably an obvious reason it won’t work.”
I always try to make myself feel better by saying that the Imposter Syndrome and Dunning-Kruger Complex curves go together: you only have Imposter Syndrome if you know at least enough to know what you don't know.
I also didn't know you played. I played in church (and other) bands for decades, and there's no feeling like connecting in the groove with a group of musicians.
But now I have not played in a group for years (and have barely been touching the instruments for months), and I miss it a lot.
If I won the lottery, I would spend most of my time making music and busking for fun.
Thank you for sharing this. I, too, have been grappling with a severe case of Impostor Syndrome. In my job, it seemed like every software engineer I worked with was a notch or two above me. They all appeared more knowledgeable, and I felt like just a hack. Then, when I was laid off, the fear of interviewing became so overwhelming that I couldn't even glance at a job description without freezing in fear. Recognizing the need for help, I hired both a coach and a therapist. Working with these two remarkable individuals has pulled back the curtain, and I'm beginning to see the light.
My therapist employs Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, and we explore different parts of me that generate these reactions. In your case, Kent, there's a part of you that emerges in musical settings. It's natural for your analytical brain to activate and seek to understand through analysis. However, what I've learned is that this analyzing is just another part trying to control another. Stay with me here.
The real understanding comes when you can connect with the part of you that feels everyone is just humoring you. Where do you feel this in your body when it happens? What is this part trying to communicate to you? It might indeed relate to that fight with your dad. Getting to know this part through curiosity is the way forward. I'm learning that all parts of us have good intentions. Perhaps this part encourages you to practice more or study more, and maybe you can ask it to support you in other, more positive ways.
One other piece of advice my coach gave me is to acknowledge the negative self-talk in my head with a simple "OK." It's neutral but an acknowledgment of it. This simple technique has been surprisingly effective.
Good luck, and yes, we're all eager to hear the recordings. ;)
Thank you for sharing this, Kent. So many of us can relate. And coming from you, Kent Beck, I think we all have much to reflect on and just give ourselves a pass.
In my experience the people with the least amount of imposter syndrome, are those with the least amount of skill. This is not always the case of course, but it is a general rule that I've formed. I've seen so many people that are so super confident in their ability, and yet have such a lack of understanding in that area.
Imposter syndrome drives us to be better. I've always just embraced it.
Somehow, after hiring a coach and exploring imposter syndrome the why for me was a misunderstanding that most people experience it. Once I realized that, the imposter monster took a back seat in my mind.
This one brings up so many memories of my younger days working as a jazz musician and later getting in to software. I was fortunate enough to have people in both communities who encouraged me in so many ways despite my tendency to question whether I belonged where I was.
My mentor said recently that there’s never been a more difficult time for youth than now. Whether you agree with that or not it’s a good time to encourage someone who might be going through a confidence crisis. The process will encourage us as well.
I wonder if everyone gets this at some point in their life, or if it's a more condensed group, and if so what is that group based on? I also get this from time to time, but much less often in the last decade. But when I do, it is such a distraction. It comes at a time when I should be focusing on something. I take nootropics these days and I think they help a lot with this. Regardless, it's a damn interesting subject for discussion. What is it? Where does it come from? Who does it affect? Great discussion piece.
I always try to make myself feel better by saying that the Imposter Syndrome and Dunning-Kruger Complex curves go together: you only have Imposter Syndrome if you know at least enough to know what you don't know.
I also didn't know you played. I played in church (and other) bands for decades, and there's no feeling like connecting in the groove with a group of musicians.
But now I have not played in a group for years (and have barely been touching the instruments for months), and I miss it a lot.
If I won the lottery, I would spend most of my time making music and busking for fun.
Never lose the joy :)
Thank you for sharing this. I, too, have been grappling with a severe case of Impostor Syndrome. In my job, it seemed like every software engineer I worked with was a notch or two above me. They all appeared more knowledgeable, and I felt like just a hack. Then, when I was laid off, the fear of interviewing became so overwhelming that I couldn't even glance at a job description without freezing in fear. Recognizing the need for help, I hired both a coach and a therapist. Working with these two remarkable individuals has pulled back the curtain, and I'm beginning to see the light.
My therapist employs Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, and we explore different parts of me that generate these reactions. In your case, Kent, there's a part of you that emerges in musical settings. It's natural for your analytical brain to activate and seek to understand through analysis. However, what I've learned is that this analyzing is just another part trying to control another. Stay with me here.
The real understanding comes when you can connect with the part of you that feels everyone is just humoring you. Where do you feel this in your body when it happens? What is this part trying to communicate to you? It might indeed relate to that fight with your dad. Getting to know this part through curiosity is the way forward. I'm learning that all parts of us have good intentions. Perhaps this part encourages you to practice more or study more, and maybe you can ask it to support you in other, more positive ways.
One other piece of advice my coach gave me is to acknowledge the negative self-talk in my head with a simple "OK." It's neutral but an acknowledgment of it. This simple technique has been surprisingly effective.
Good luck, and yes, we're all eager to hear the recordings. ;)
Thanks for that Kent! It's nice to know I'm not the only one.
My coaching in a nutshell:
1. Yes, you’re weird
2. No, you’re not alone
Thank you for sharing this, Kent. So many of us can relate. And coming from you, Kent Beck, I think we all have much to reflect on and just give ourselves a pass.
Thanks again.
In my experience the people with the least amount of imposter syndrome, are those with the least amount of skill. This is not always the case of course, but it is a general rule that I've formed. I've seen so many people that are so super confident in their ability, and yet have such a lack of understanding in that area.
Imposter syndrome drives us to be better. I've always just embraced it.
Great post.
It's perplexing; I'll speak from my experience.
Somehow, after hiring a coach and exploring imposter syndrome the why for me was a misunderstanding that most people experience it. Once I realized that, the imposter monster took a back seat in my mind.
Here's how I see it:
1. Feeling it means you're in a growth zone
2. Perfectionism triggers it; let it go.
3. Anyone that never feels it is suspect. 🧐
This one brings up so many memories of my younger days working as a jazz musician and later getting in to software. I was fortunate enough to have people in both communities who encouraged me in so many ways despite my tendency to question whether I belonged where I was.
My mentor said recently that there’s never been a more difficult time for youth than now. Whether you agree with that or not it’s a good time to encourage someone who might be going through a confidence crisis. The process will encourage us as well.
I wonder if everyone gets this at some point in their life, or if it's a more condensed group, and if so what is that group based on? I also get this from time to time, but much less often in the last decade. But when I do, it is such a distraction. It comes at a time when I should be focusing on something. I take nootropics these days and I think they help a lot with this. Regardless, it's a damn interesting subject for discussion. What is it? Where does it come from? Who does it affect? Great discussion piece.
As always sir, thank you.